Tuesday Interweb Round-Up

• Actual CNN headline: "Bush heads to Texas; Residents urged to leave" [Wonkette]
• According to one of his economic advisors, John McCain invented the BlackBerry! But he still doesn't know how to use "the Google." Hmmm. Hmmm! Hmmm? [The Caucus]
• Some guy is running around slapping his greased up cock on windows in Kansas. Hilarious. [Perez Hilton]
• The creators of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia give a damn funny interview to promote the new season starting on Thursday. [AV Club]
• John McCain = Daniel Plainview [Wonkette]
• Some sort of "professional recording artist" butchered the National Anthem before last night's Monday Night Football game. She must be a "professional recording artist" in the William Hung-variety. [Perez Hilton]
• Despite our economy collapsing, the most worrisome news this week is that FOX has greenlit a new animated series created by Jeff Foxworthy centered around NASCAR. It is the end of the world as we know it. [Variety]

Sarah Palin hates polar bears

... and gays, books, scientists, "haters," logic, and reason. This New York Times article detailing the questionable ethics and policies encompassing Sarah Palin's political past is a fucking gem:

Once Elected, Palin Hired Friends and Lashed Foes

The article goes pretty in-depth, but here are some of my favorite portions:

[...] an examination of her swift rise and record as mayor of Wasilla and then governor finds that her visceral style and penchant for attacking critics — she sometimes calls local opponents “haters” — contrasts with her carefully crafted public image.

Alaska politics seems a bit like the 7th grade. Was this uncovered from a notebook emblazoned with bubble letters and Lisa Frank stickers she passes amongst her friends at the statehouse? Or possibly from an intricately folded note with a "TOP SECRET" warning inscribed on its outer layer? 

Rick Steiner, a University of Alaska professor, sought the e-mail messages of state scientists who had examined the effect of global warming on polar bears. (Ms. Palin said the scientists had found no ill effects, and she has sued the federal government to block the listing of the bears as endangered.) An administration official told Mr. Steiner that his request would cost $468,784 to process.

When Mr. Steiner finally obtained the e-mail messages — through a federal records request — he discovered that state scientists had in fact agreed that the bears were in danger, records show.

“Their secrecy is off the charts,” Mr. Steiner said.

Lying about scientific data is a routine play from the GOP, but, come on, we are dealing with polar bears here. It's not like these liberal, activist scientists are making up nonsense like "global warming is real" or "the world isn't flat." They are just trying to look out for cute, cuddly polar bears. Yet Sarah Palin wants to kill, field-dress, cook, and eat them. 

I should also mention that Palin plans on reforming Washington with a record of "off the charts secrecy." Now that's change we can believe in! Sarah Palin is not a pig in lipstick. She is Dick Cheney in lipstick.

Ms. Palin ordered city employees not to talk to the press. And she used city money to buy a white Suburban for the mayor’s use — employees sarcastically called it the mayor-mobile.

I wonder if the "mayor-mobile" will also be unsuccessfully sold on eBay. If elected, hopefully federal tax dollars will pay for a big enough vehicle to tow around courageous whore Bristol Palin and her bastard child.

[...] in 1995, Ms. Palin, then a city councilwoman, told colleagues that she had noticed the book “Daddy’s Roommate” on the shelves and that it did not belong there, according to Ms. Chase and Mr. Stein. Ms. Chase read the book, which helps children understand homosexuality, and said it was inoffensive; she suggested that Ms. Palin read it.

“Sarah said she didn’t need to read that stuff,” Ms. Chase said. “It was disturbing that someone would be willing to remove a book from the library and she didn’t even read it.”

“I’m still proud of Sarah,” she added, “but she scares the bejeebers out of me.”

It's a fucking children's book, not a Playgirl, you ignorant cunt. 

You'll have to read the entire article (as you should) for other great anecdotes about Sarah Palin's esteemed political career in Alaska. I'm sure you will also get the bejeebers scared out of you.

Monday Interweb Round-Up

Are you literate? Feast upon these!

• The Dow Jones industrial average plummeted more than 500 points today -- the worst since the days directly following 9/11 ... [New York Times]
• ... Yet John McCain still thinks the fundamentals of our economy are strong! [YouTube]
• McCain also managed to fill a 16,000 seat stadium today ... with only 3,000 people. Wahh wahhh. [Huffington Post]
• Joe Biden referred to McCain as "Bush 44" today on the stump. Funny, but I'd like to see the Dems throwing some sharper 'bows. [The Caucus]
• What was one of Sarah Palin's first actions as governor of Alaska? To install a tanning bed, of course! Maybe she put the tanning bed on eBay when she proclaimed May 2007 to be Skin Cancer Awareness Month in Alaska. [Narco News/The Field]
• Claire McCaskill was on the attack again today on MSNBC after she bent over Carly Fiorina on This Week yesterday morning. She makes me wiener tingle. [YouTube]
• TRL is "retiring"! Where will I go to see the newest BSB videos?!?! [Variety]
• Jennifer Hudson is engaged ... to Punk from I Love New York?? This won't last. I think we all know that true love can only be found on reality television. [Perez Hilton]

Why I'm starting a blog!

I'm starting a blog because there needs to be an established forum for my very important opinions and musings.

Now it's time to make this shit look pretty!